I really want to like a Robert Pattinson film that isn't Twilight. I really do. It's why I keep parting with hard-earned cash and sitting through each new offering (I'm still scarred by Remember Me).
So I tried to ignore the unpromising trailer to Water For Elephants which sees him starring alongside Reece Witherspoon and the fabulous Christoph Waltz.
The story goes something like this: Jacob (Pattinson) is just about to qualify as a vet when his parents are strategically killed leaving him destitute. He runs away and joins a travelling circus where he falls for the wife of the circus owner Marlena (Witherspoon). Now Marlena's husband, August (Waltz), is of course a bad 'un. He's a brute. The animals have to perform until they drop down dead and he throws unwanted employees off the train in the middle of the night.
You can see where this is heading right? Well that is the problem, or part of it.
Firstly there is no chemistry between Pattinson and Witherspoon, if there was, then the sentimental, vom-inducing ending complete with 'happy family' montage might be quite sweet.
Secondly the characters are all one dimensional, they are good or they are bad which outside the comic book genre just makes for a very banal story.
As a result I was sat there waiting for some tragic twist to the ending that would give this film something other than the colour of the circus setting. But it never came. If anyone wants to hear how I think it should have ended then let me know - it still involves the elephant.
The only thing it has going for it is that Pattinson is such delicious eye-candy. I'm still not convinced he has anything more than average acting ability but perhaps he still hasn't been given the right vehicle to demonstrate it.
Another car crash I couldn't help rubber-necking; it is cheesy, contrived, wooden and sentimental tosh. I'm giving it 41% only because of the eye candy. The critics seem to agree with me giving an aggregated 58% on Rotten Tomatoes but it's obviously going down well with Pattinson fans as 83% of users have given it a positive score. It's a similar story on Metacritic with 52% from critics and 7.9/10 from users.
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